The Abused and the Neglected in the Church
Very often in the body (population) of many churches there are two very different groups of people: the abused and the neglected. The existence of these groups can be or can become very deplorable to the community of the faithful.
Often the lay and/or clerical “leaders” of the church feel as if the church might collapse without a certain group of people they can call on at any time for anything. This small group never varies. They are the “pillars” of the church who will respond automatically, sacrificing their time, talent, money, etc. – anything for the good of the church. But soon, before either the “leaders” or the “pillars” know it, they have created an indispensable and abused group of people.
When this “abused” group exists, then for sure the other group of the “neglected” exists or is beginning to be formed. The two groups can appear almost simultaneously. The “neglected” people do not relate to each other or to anybody in the church community, and so they are not literally a “group.” But they can be seen as a distinct group of people because they act in the same manner.
The “leaders” of the church like to think they worry very much about the “neglected.” The “neglected” are those who are not regular church participants. They almost never help out in the work of the parish. They have been called on once or twice to help the church in a special way; but, after bluntly or shyly refusing they were never bothered again.
Some may say that being “abused” for the love of the house of God counts as a virtue, while being “neglected” is a pity and a result of the wickedness of the community. I propose that both groups are dangerous for the community.
To the “abused” we might say: we never do enough for God who does everything for you, and to the “neglected” we might say: “You never get involved; although you are free and very welcome to come, nobody can twist your arm to come to the Church and become a part of it.”
The “abused” might say: “I feel good when I sacrifice for the church.” The neglected might say: “I am humble and modest; I know my place in the house of God.” Both groups have legitimate reasoning. Nevertheless, the Church works with the abused while hoping to get the neglected involved. It would like to enlarge the first group to the detriment of the second.
With the existence of these two groups, conflicts will soon appear. There is conflict when we hear the abused calling the neglected “Easter and Christmas Christians.” There is conflict when the neglected group accuses the abused of being "power hungry" and of behaving like they “own the church.” These accusations might not be true on either side, but they do point to a few risks that are present when these groups exist. The abused influence the decisions of the church and thus are tempted by power. By giving in to this temptation, the democratic process of the parish is damaged. The neglected can run the risk of losing their faith; if not in God, at least in the Church, which is the Body of Christ.
Both groups are at risk of being lost for the Church — the abused by burning out and the neglected by dropping out. The abused cannot be abused forever, just as the neglected will not stand being neglected forever. And at the time when they are ready to change their alliance and “switch groups,” they may look for another church where they can do it without being pointed at. And, believe me; it is really hard for both to come back.
It is commonly believed that our work should be to try to get the “neglected” involved in parish life – in other words to stop “neglecting the neglected.” However, I believe that it is much harder to “neglect the abused” than to “abuse the neglected!”
The challenge is to know how to stop neglecting the neglected and how to refrain from abusing the abused without causing them to break away from the Church. A community that can do that has the possibility of growing and of fulfilling the call for the salvation of souls.
~Fr. Cornel Todeasa
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